How is it at 50?

A very close friend of mine recently asked me this question. I should state the friend is about 11 years younger. They are a different sex than me. We have many life similarities, as well as many differences. We both have very intense emotions. We both have small(ish) children and both are married. Our political views are similar, although not identical. We are not of the same ethnic background. The point is, the question was very pertinent because it was all about age and stages of life. Not at all about the differences or similarities of us as people. It really gave me pause. How is it at 50? 

Basically, I originally thought everything was the same. But slowly, as I thought about it, I realized this was not true. Eleven years makes a difference. As I will say, not a huge difference. But a perceptible difference. I have seen things in the last ten years I did not know. Or rather, I have recognized things I knew, but did not appreciate. 

What made this exceptionally interesting was discussing the question, or rather, the answers with some other folks of even younger ages. We discussed life stages, what we knew, yearned for, dreamed about. The patterns were unmistakable, although all of us had slightly different takes on the paths of life.  We all know these things intellectually, but...

So here goes...

 1. Mediocre people do exceptional things all the time. 

None of us is special. It is possible at any given time, in some given way, that any one of us may excel. But overall, people are a soft warm animals like all others and they are not special. At least the universe does not see us as special. It does not care if we are rich or poor. If we are educated or not. A man or a woman.

But that is not the end. In fact, because we are not special, we have an obligation to be humble and help try to make the world a good place. We must help each other through bad times and celebrate good times. We must take care of our surroundings. Live with intention. All the aphorisms we hear. 

And if we truly live, that is truly exceptional.

2. Truth is overrated.

It has become vogue to search for truth. Probably a result of the scientific age or an outgrowth of our neuroses over the fact we have lost so much control over our own lives.

But mystery, wonder and a good healthy dose of self delusion make life worth living! 

We all know the stark naked truth that those pants make you look fat is just cruel. But on a more subtle level, relentless truth devalues the whole. When you only see the painting as a collection of brushstrokes, you cannot see the artists passion. When the tree is phloem and xylem, it no longer is a place to rest. 

Even more subtly, mystery feeds desire and the desire to know other people produces association. 

 If all truth and honesty were evident at all times, it would be a very sterile environment indeed. 

I am suggesting a healthy dose of fantasy about how you are living the dream is much better than a constant reminder of all the objective failures you have had. And since it is inevitable you will fail, it is better to learn - and learn to cope and move on - than be trapped by the relentless weight of truth. I do not suggest that is easy. Or how or when it should be done. Just that the opposite is overrated.

Once in awhile, just take the blue pill. Even more importantly, once in awhile lose yourself in the blue pill. The real world will be there when you are done. 

3. There is no one right answer. 

There is not even one question. 

There is no single thing called "Love". 

The only real constant is change. And the fact is, things don't change all that much. (Remember the fact we all had similar life patterns?) In fact, it is only accumulated change that is noticeable. While such change certainly can be huge, it also requires patience and time to take place. It cannot be rushed. Some people say all things in their time, and this is so. Change will only come in its own time.

Assuming there is a "right" and a "wrong" assumes the status quo will change into something better. But things are the way they are for some reason or reasons. People are born, grow up, fall in love, become twisted and learn to hate, learn to forgive, learn to love fully and ultimately die over and over. That is what people do. 

Spring follows winter as surely as fall follows summer. 

These things change in space and time. They vary in intensity. But they are universal.

Patience is not a virtue: it is essential. In fact, it will be forced upon us by reality. 

Just as importantly, the reaction one way or another to a situation or a stimulus is simply a slight extension or change from where things were before. Every reaction. And in the greater scheme of the universe that reaction one way or another is simply so close to the other to be incapable of being "right" or "wrong". Even the greatest calamity of all time would be but a "blip" in cosmic history. 

So one choice or another is neither right nor wrong. The experiences are different, but each experience is unique. One may be better for a given family or person at a given time, but there simple is no one single "best" answer. 

This principle extends to everything. Things as simple as which way to drive to work and things as complex as whether to drive at all.

So...how IS it at 50? 

Maddening. You have reached a point where you have glimpsed certain things. You have also realized those things are universal and not the only right answer. You know you have a lot to teach, and that you are ultimately incapable of teaching it. People will learn or not learn on their own time. You can look back over a long enough period to see patterns and yet have no idea how they will play out. And you have the nagging feeling you will probably never live long enough to see the subtle endings of what you have seen start.

And anyone who has read this also knows this is just my experience. So feel free to share yours and we will all learn.